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As amusing as the heading may sound, that is the reality we face today, and this should be a concern for everyone.
Marriage, for Christians, is a divine institution involving not only the man and woman but also the Trinitarian God and a lifelong commitment. For Traditional believers, it is a significant union between two individuals (man and woman) and two families. Unfortunately, in recent times, the value of marriage seems to be depreciating, in contrast to dating, which is a stage of a romantic relationship in which two individuals engage in activities together, often with the intention of evaluating each other’s suitability as future intimate partners (Wikipedia). Couples can spend years dating, investing a considerable amount of time, effort, and money, only to end the marriage abruptly.
“Till death do us part” is a phrase often associated with marriages, but today its impact or essence has dwindled, with all efforts shifted to dating. Although dating does not have a stipulated timeline, its name and meaning suggest that it is for a period of time. It is not surprising today to find people dating for ten years, fifteen years, and more for various reasons.
Most romantic relationships today between consenting adults, male and female, are challenging to describe. Sometimes, you find people who are dating, living like married couples, and married couples living like people who are dating; those dating assume all kinds of responsibilities like married couples, while the married ones shy away from such responsibilities.
Certainly, several factors seem to have changed the “good old” ways of enjoying long-lasting marriages to shorter marriage lifespans and longer periods of dating.
A second dishonest act is the number of men or women companions or ‘friends’ one keeps. The liberty and luxury of having multiple options could make one so comfortable that they are not prepared to move on from the dating stage.
Avarice or greed for material things and status have kept many relationships at a snail’s pace. This vice keeps one dissatisfied in a relationship. In the olden days, our grandparents or parents had just a farm but took care of the needs of up to 11 children and even some extended family members. Today, we want to have everything, both needs and wants, before committing to a relationship or moving from dating to marriage. This same vice has propelled some partners from a good and lasting marriage once they realized that all that glitters was not gold.
The fourth factor upholding longer periods of dating are attitudinal shortcomings like indiscipline, disrespect, and weak stress management abilities of persons. A bad attitude towards one another could stretch a dating period into decades. Life itself comes with its own twists and turns (pain and disappointments); therefore, many people try to safeguard their well-being or peace of mind from the onset. Once they are not certain about their partner upholding their mental health, commitment becomes a problem, and they hop from one person to another in search of someone who will do a better job at it.
Indecision is another reason. There are several relationships marking time at the dating stage where the persons involved are attracted to both singlehood and married life. They simply cannot make up their minds! Even the Holy Bible encourages us to make up our minds in Revelation 3:15. Some people do not want to lose certain rights and want to always remain in control. This is most times the crux of the matter. Some also find it hard to part ways with certain single lifestyles and attitudes. This obviously can make a person either consciously or unconsciously derail their decision to move forward in the direction of a stable marriage.
Email: nicholasbetol@atigah
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